In the previous post,Read here! Sydne reveals that she was sexually abused as a child over a period of several years and by more than one person. She talks about ‘It’ as if he or she were a real person. I could never get a good explanation of It from Sydne other than It was the thing that controlled her when she became enveloped with her eating disorder, limiting her calories or exercising for hours, or putting in 18-hour work days without eating.
Under the caption, Interpersonal Factors that can Contribute to Eating Disorders, the National Eating Disorder Association (www.NationalEatingDisorders.org) lists.
- Troubled family and personal relationships
- Difficulty expressing emotions and feelings
- History of being teased or ridiculed based on size or weight
- History of physical or sexual abuse.
Sydne writes:
Most people would say, "Well, just get over it or why did you even decide now to deal with it or talk about it?"
Well, my answer to them at first was kiss my ass and I don’t owe you an answer, but I really never said that (but I would today). My answer was I am 36 (at the time) and when this was all happening I couldn’t deal with it. I was 5 and 9. What the hell did a child back then understand about molesters and mothers who abandoned their children. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
As I was sitting there in tears and shaking like it was below zero, I turned my head and looked and guess who I saw? Yes, that’s right. IT was sitting there as bright and happy as can be! From this day on IT would tell me that it was not like all the other people that let me down or like the people who had hurt and lied to me.
IT would say "I will always be here for you. I will protect you. I will not let anyone ever hurt you again. You can trust me!"
So anyway back to why now would I choose to open my can of worms? Well, first of all I have a daughter and watching her grow up and watching her at those ages scared the hell out of me! All those ugly memories seemed to come flooding back to me. The fact it happened to me was bad enough but the fact that it could have happened to my daughter was making me sick inside."
The National Eating Disorders Association also lists "Psychological Factors that can Contribute to Eating Disorders". They are:
- Low self-esteem
- Feelings of inadequacy or lack of control in life
- Depression, anxiety, anger, or loneliness.
Sydne seems to fit every description.
Regards,
Ruthan Brodsky