theagingofanorexia

Sydne Discovers Herself Chapter 13

Women face more biological issues which are usually genetically based when going through their midlife transition. Women are born with more fat cells than males; they have slower metabolic rates, and they are influenced by different hormones. Women are more likely to gain weight throughout their life cycle than men.

Although all body systems change with age most women worry more about their weight and appearance of their skin. Skin changes can be the worst because they are the most visible and the target of advertising. Defy your age, lie about your age, aging is bad and wrinkles make it worse.

Women must make a self assessment before they can age successfully. Do they accept the message that aging is bad or permit themselves to feel self-worth in spite of all the changes that take place physically with their bodies?

I decided to take some time for me to figure out what to do next. I was having a week in which everything was getting to me. No matter how many times I tried to ignore that issue, emotions, feelings, thoughts and some very real concerns kept pushing their way through. Even when you get in touch with yourself your problem issues don't go away.

I knew it was bad when I missed my Monday therapy session. Tuesday after work I decided to pack a bag and just drive and take the rest of the week off. Where I was going to drive was anyone's guess. I had no real plan which was very odd for my role as a perfectionist. All I knew was I needed to drive. When I got tired I would stop and that would be the place I would try and connect deeply with my heart and reach the core of who I am and what I was going to do.

As my days were filled with the beautiful desert sand, I began to welcome all junky, ugly feelings I had toward myself. Feelings of being trash and allowing people to do what they had wished with me but without my permission and then throwing me away. I welcomed and challenged my thoughts and images of thinking and feeling I was ugly and fat. I think I wrote this before but if you look deep into your heart and truly listen to what it is telling you, you will come to realize that your heart won't lie to you.

I believe that to be true. I looked deep into my heart and felt the core of me. Now I know I am not fat or ugly. I am not trash and people cannot take from me what I don't allow them to take.

I cried while holding myself and told myself that I was a kind and giving person, that I have compassion for others, and that I can give that same compassion to myself. I am capable of loving me for who I am with all my faults and imperfections just like I can and dodo with others.

Sydne's story continues.

If you have a story that you'd like to tell on this blog write me at Ruthanb@gmail.com  We'll talk about the possibilities.

Ruthan Brodsky

Ruthan Brodsky helps business owners and professionals promote their products and services with content marketing.

Another Step Forward Chapter 12

Most of the surveys and polls, in popular consumer magazines or research studies, indicate that gaining weight is at the top of the list as a negative influence on body image for both men and women. It seems that this is true even for those who are considered of normal weight. Something like two-thirds of the women and one-third of the men reported that weight gain hit their self image very hard. What probably shouldn't come as a surprise is that about half the women, regardless of age, said they were preoccupied with weight and were unhappy with their weight. Men were less dissatisfied.

The problem is that the body changes as you age especially for women. Women tend to gain 5-10 pounds per decade of life. Their waits become larger, skin loses its elasticity, and hair turns gray and things. These very normal lifecycle changes are problematic for women.

Body image is also vulnerable when a medical problem takes place, or a woman has a chronic illness, or there's a change in relationships with family and friends. Again, the issue is that during the normal course of getting older, these forks in the road are more likely to happen which is probably why so many women are not happy with their bodies. The changes may also explain why so many women in mid-life develop eating disorders and exercise addiction.

It took me a few weeks but I was able to talk to Jeanette. After we talked for a while she said she would think about it and call me. Jeanette called me to say I could come back to The Place but I would have to work with someone else.

Work with someone else? I couldn't do that because I knew Christina was the one that I was supposed to end my journey with at The Place. After our long, open, no holding back conversation, and setting limits and a few new boundaries, Christina agreed to continue to work with me.

If it weren't for Christina I would not be where I am today. I know I did the work but Christina allowed me to do the work I needed to do. She pushed me to listen to my heart. She opened my eyes so I could see what is around me and not just see things around me like trees, people, cars, but see the beauty I can give around me!.

We decided July 24, 2008 will be my last time at The Place. It will be my last session with Christina and my last group with Jeanette and the women I have come to know and about whom I care. I even made a few strong friendships with these women.

I will truly miss The Place. It has been a huge part of my recovery and so have Christina and Jeanette. My relationship with them is incredible and by that I mean they both have seen me and been there for me at my worst and at my best. They never gave up on me and doubted the fact that I could not recover from being Anorexic.

My hope is that anyone who struggles with an eating disorder is as fortunate as I was to find people like Christina and Jeanette to work with.

Sydne's therapy continues in my next post.In the meantime, I would love to hear stories about some of your personal experiences with women and eating disorders or your own personal story. Scroll down to COMMENTS and start typing in the blank window.

A very happy and healthy Thanksgiving to you and your family and friends.

Ruthan Brodsky

 

 

Ruthan Brodsky helps business owners and professionals promote their products and services with content marketing.

2 Steps Forward and 1 Step Back Chapter 11

Eating disorders are a challenging and disturbing multifaceted problem with biological, psychological, and cultural roots. The patient's understanding of these facets and their complexity seems to be essential for recovery.

Many people think of an eating disorder as an unhealthy quest for a perfect body when they really have little to do with appearance and weight. According to mental health experts, eating disorders are complex psychological illnesses in which people try to control life's conflicts and stresses by controlling their intake of food. The weight and body image issues are surface symptoms of deeply rooted problems that are tough to identify.

I was sitting in my session with Christina (pseudonym for one of Sydne's therapists) and asked her: "Why does it feel like my time here at The Place (The name I've given for the out-patient treatment center that Sydne attended after returning home from in-patient therapy) is coming to an end?"

Christina responded by telling me "because it is."

I was surprised but only a little. I had felt that my time was ending as well, I could tell by how our sessions were progressing and by the way I felt in The Group each Thursday evening. Christina and I had a long talk and decided it was time to let me go and see how I can handle recovering on my own.

Christina is a great person to have as your individual therapist! She and I worked together for over a year and I know it wasn't easy to work with me at times. I was advancing in my therapy and saw Christina once a week and attended group work with Jeanette once a week.

I returned to work and for the first couple of months all was well. Then IT cam back. IT was ready for round two. I worked harder and put in more hours and came to expect perfection from myself once again. I started to lose weight and got back into old IT habits.

I would attend our sessions and say "yeah, yeah, I know" and tell her what she wanted to hear from me. Then I'd leave and turn back to IT as soon as I left her room. I lost more weight. I became very ugly and very disrespectful towards her. I would miss or change appointments. If I didn't like what she was tell me I would yell at her and walk out of our sessions. I would even take it out on Jeanette in The Group and tell her this is stupid and bullshit and walked out of group twice. My relationship with Christina was ripped apart by IT.

One day, shortly after Christmas, Christina and I were on the phone and I accused her of being unprofessional, non caring, stupid and I even said I would make sure how everyone at The Place knew how she really was. After I hung up on her, she discharged me from The Place.

At first I was so pissed at her. How could she just do that, how could she just walk away and throw me away like trash? It was her job to help me. She can't do this. Right?

Wrong. She had every right to do what she did. Christina was helping me but IT became too strong to deal with. I became so scared. I knew if IT had another chance with me what the outcome would be and I didn't want to die!

In my next post Sydne talks about the more positive steps she took.

I welcome your comments to this blog site. Scroll down to Comments and type them in the blank window. You may want to consider sharing this blog with people you know, especially women,

To your successful approaches to life.

Ruthan Brodsky

Ruthan Brodsky helps business owners and professionals promote their services and products with content marketing. ruthanb@gmail.com

Sydne's Body Image and IT – Chapter 10

It may seem that someone developed an eating disorder for the first time at mid life (35-65 years) but most doctors report that the patients probably had the problem for 10 years.

In spite of all the information about the negative effects of being overweight, Americans are getting larger and larger. Our obesity rate is something like 40% (France is 6%). Much of this is blamed on portion sizes. Our attitudes towards food dominate how we think about food, consume food and help explain why we eat so much.

By the same token, a combination of physical, personal, genetic and cultural factors determines how we see ourselves at any given time in our life cycle. We seem to measure our self-worth by appearance and often make nasty comments about our bodies even though our friends and families disagree with us. How we use or abuse food as we get older is one way we can control and alter that image to obtain a sense of self.

Sydne was no exception. The use of the capital letters is taken directly form Sydne's journal.

The monster IT is telling me it will take care of me until I get through peak season. IT knows how important this time of year is for me. IT will allow me to eat just enough so I can make it through. IT is bargaining with me. IT tells me I will do this for you but later I will be back to take control of you.

As long as I know this I can stay ahead of IT. I can stay in control but I need to tell you this everyday. IT is counting on me not to tell you because IT knows I don't want to talk to you about this. BUT I MUST! So please ask me questions but don't ask me to do anything about it yet because IT will make me run from you and that's what IT wants. I don't want to run but if IT gets pissed off at you, I will, and that is what IT is counting on!

I know when I look in the mirror I see a fat girl who looks like she weighs 250 pounds even if I haven't eaten in two days, even though I've run on the treadmill for hours, and even though I've engorged a handful of laxatives. I still look and feel 250 pounds.

FAT, UGLY, GROSS, MUSTRUN, PUNISHMENT, NEVER GOOD ENOUGH, STUPID STUPID AND STUPID. SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY. MUST BE PERFECT, FAT GIRL MUST BE PERFECT, NO ONE LOVES A FAT STUPID UGLY FAT GIRL. ALL MY FAULT, MY FAULT, MY FAULT.

GIVE UP, GIVE UP, DON'T TRUST, WRONG..

FAILURE, FAILURE…FAILURE…..MONSTER IS WINNING….

Again, I welcome your comments about this journal entry, about appearance and a woman's self image especially as she ages.  Scroll down to 'Comments" and type your comments in the blank window.

Ruthan Brodsky

Ruthan helps business owners and professionals promote their services and products with content marketing and information products.

 

Sydne is Overwhelmed With Her Eating Disorder - Chapter 9

It is becoming more evident that men, and especially women of all ages, have eating disorders.  This blog provides information about adult women and men – beyond their teens and twenties – who are identified as being anorexic. Some of these people face their eating disorders and get help to overcome them.  It must be impossible to confront on your own.

 

I am not an eating disorder expert. I am a freelance write who has been writing health and medical articles for 25 years. My older sister died this winter because she was anorexic.  Writing this blog – perhaps to help others – is my way of dealing with her death because I can’t make sense of it.

 

In the last 6 or 6 posts I’ve been writing excerpts from Sydne’s journal.  Sydne is anorexic and receiving treatment during the time she writes these posts. The last few posts focus on a personality Sydne calls “IT”.  That’s the side of Sydne who takes control and enforces the anorexic behavior. More about “IT” in my next post.  In this journal entry, Sydne is wheeling in thought and lost.

 

My head is spinning so fast and the pressure is building up so much that you could take a pin and pop it. I am completely exhausted but when I try to sit down to relax, I can’t. My mind will not shut off.

 

I can’t really explain what I think about because it’s such a mix of things.  One minute I will think of when I was five and then I will go straight into thoughts of being 25 or 32.  I am constantly jumping around in my thought.  I find it difficult to process one thought at a time.  In a way, it is like I need to lie down and have someone put their hand on my head to calm me down.  This would need to be someone I trusted.  Which at his point there is no one? Or is there? Os yes, IT.

 

I welcome your comments on what Sydne has to say or what your experiences are with anorexia. It is a disease that can kill.

 

Ruthan Brodsky

 

Ruthan provides content marketing for business owners and health care providers who want to promote their services and products.

 

To find out more information about food cravings, check out this resouce: food cravings.   The author describes specific food cravings and natural ways to deal with them.