Scientists are still researching whether there are biochemical or biological causes of eating disorders in addition to all the other social and psychological factors. They have found in some individuals that certain chemicals in the brain that control hunger, appetite, and digestion were imbalanced but they don’t know why or what the implications of those imbalances could be.
What we all know is that eating disorders are complex conditions that take place because of many possible causes. Once started, however, they usually "create a self-perpetuating cycle of physical and emotional destruction" (ANRED).
Over time IT started to make food trades with me. I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted that day, but the next two days I owed it whatever IT wanted.
Usually I would not eat for two days and spend two hours straight on the treadmill running at 6.2 mph at a 6% incline. When I finished, I would drink a glass of water or try to have some crackers. If IT was right there to tell me I don’t deserve to eat, that I was still too fat, and I broke our deal, I started taking laxatives. IT would tell me to take five at a time. Even though I knew what the damage would be, I did it anyway.
In case you are wondering about the damage, let me tell you. Laxatives remove the water from your colon to make you dehydrated which will cause you to faint. Laxatives also cause irritations in the intestinal nerve endings which would cause the muscles not to contract which cause nerve damage. Along with that it strips the mucus that lines the colon leaving you open for infections. So before you decide to take a laxative, maybe you should think about what you are doing to your body.
Anyway, this was my life for a while with IT. As the months went on, the more powerful IT became. The more IT lurked around me, the more IT was able to take from my mind, my body and my soul. Each day was like a game. Let’s see what I can take from Sydne today. IT was very manipulative and played on every emotion I had which would lead me to not have any emotions, thoughts or feelings of any kind.
I talk a lot about IT through my journey. I can say that now I have learned to ignore IT and the more people, like my family and friends know about IT, and the more I talk about IT, the further away IT goes. IT has lost the power over me but I know deep in my heart I still must keep fighting back.
It’s still a constant battle for Sydne. Her life is changing since she’s come to terms with her disease. Right now she and her husband are separated and she is very comfortable about that.
A few more chapters to Sydne’s story. I hope they are giving you some kind of picture of the suffering that someone goes through who has an eating disorder.
Take care,
Ruthan Brodsky
PS I welcome your comments. Love to hear your stories.